Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

Where’s your dress gone, Alesha? Ms Dixon suffers unfortunate wardrobe mishap at Leeds Party in the Park
When Alesha Dixon appeared at Leeds Party in the Park, paparazzi from Big Pictures were waiting in the mosh pit for some upskirt action and were delighted when her dress rose up to reveal a pair of black knickers.

Red-blooded tabloid hack Sarah Bull was waiting at a Daily Mail news desk that has suffered an upskirt drought for some time now. Upskirt shots have long excited Paul Dacre’s organ and telephoto lenses were quickly extended for Alesha Dixon.

Oh I say, the hemlines are shorter than ever at Wimbledon this year
It’s Wimbledon 2010 and Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail is particularly excited that tennis skirts appear to be shorter than ever enabling the paparazzi to produce a some corking upskirt shots on the first day of the tournament.

Swiss hopeful Stefanie Voegele leads the photo spread with a cheeky upskirt shot revealing a tantalising flash of knickers that is bound to make red-blooded Daily Mail readers’ days.

Bulgaria’s Tsvetana Pironkova is also given the upskirt treatment ‘while the Czech Republic’s Andrea Hlavackova and Russia’s Regina Kulikova all bared their legs on court yesterday,’ reports the tabloid. Shockingly Serb Ana Ivanovic wore white leggings, causing no end of disappointment.

Readers who scroll down through the article may eventually find a passing reference to some first round results.

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.