Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

Sugababes star Jade Ewen does the highland fling as she models tartan lingerie for new Miss Ultimo collection
The Daily Mail’s Sarah Bull has gone wild for Sugababe Jade Ewen’s tartan lingerie and was delighted when the marketing team at Ultmo agreed she could share some pics with the Daily Mail’s banana buffing readers.

Slipping into advertising mode, Sarah Bull reports: ‘As well as sticking to traditional red underwear, Jade also pays tribute to her part-Scottish roots in the Highland Fling two-piece set, featuring tartan detailing and a cute frill on the bottom.’

The Ultimo team are pushing the range as the perfect gift for Valentines and Sarah Bull is clearly hoping to be on the receiving end.

Instant Body Fixer: Ultimo’s £41 underwear promises to give you the perfect hourglass figure
When the public relations team at Ultimo allowed the Daily Mail’s Maysa Rawi to try out their new Body Fixer, the tabloid hack could not have been more delighted.

‘Control pants and push up bras could be a thing of the past as Ultimo has come up with an all-in-one solution for body-shaping,’ said Maysa Rawi of Ultimo’s Body Fixer. For just £41 the body fixer boosted Maya Rawi’s tits by two cup sizes, flattened her podgy stomach and slimmed her waist. All with no visible underwear lines. Maysa Rawi reckons it will hide extra pounds put on over Christmas.

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.