Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

What to wear? Nothing: Naked Trinny admits ‘If I can move more than half my forehead I need Botox’
Trinny Woodall has appeared naked in Tatler, but Daily Mail readers need not fork out for the monthly as the red-blooded tabloid has gotten hold off the best pics from the magazine’s public relations team.

But it turns out Trinny Woodall is not as attractive as her nude pose makes her appear. She uses lots of beauty treatments, including botox. But that’s unlikely to put off banana buffing readers.

How skinny Trinny toned up: Style guru shows off a six pack on the beach
While it seems his colleague Lizzie Smith can’t look at a slim celebrity without crying ‘eating disorder,’ Simon Cable is loving the new toned Trinny Woodall and delighted to annotate some pics of the TV presenter from paparazzi agency Splash.

So if Lizzie has any thoughts of an office romance with Simon, she’d better get in shape.

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.