Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

Green goddess Teri Hatcher unveils stunning beach body in Hawaii
When Teri Hatcher stepped out on to a Hawaiian beach in green bikini, the Daily Mail’s Sarah Bull was so stunned she almost slipped off her seat.

The red-blooded tabloid hack reckoned that Teri Hatcher looked decades younger as she took a dip in the sea. The pictures, captured by paparazzi agency Splash, certainly excited Paul Dacre’s organ as they revealed Teri Hatcher has ‘a six pack most men would be jealous of and no signs of the middle-aged woman’s most dreaded body blight – bingo wings.’

Spoiler: Desperate Housewife Teri Hatcher’s pole-dancing hysteria on Wisteria Lane
Watch out for the spoiler screams the Daily Mail’s Georgina Littlejohn, but too late… without pausing for breath she reveals that Teri Hatcher strips off at a pole-dancing club in the next series of Desperate Housewives.

Hell, it’s already aired in the USA so no damage done eh? But the good news is that Paul Dacre’s red-blooded tabloid has secured a series of screen shots with which to delight banana buffing readers. Take a look at Teri Hatcher performing a striptease in a pole-dancing club! Whey hey!

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.