Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

Where’s Austin when you need him… Cringe moment for Vanessa Hudgens as bikini top pops open
When Vanessa Hugdens’ bikini top fell off leaving her topless quick flashing paparazzi from Flynet were on hand to capture the scene for Paul Dacre’s red blooded Daily Mail.

The photos of Vanessa Hugdens topless were rushed to the tabloid’s news desk where top hack Lucy Buckland was on hand to pick out the best pics for banana buffing readers to enjoy. Most excitingly, reports Lucy Buckland, the wardrobe malfunction left topless Vanessa Hugdens holding her breasts to hide them from the photographers. But it’s too late and the extended lenses of the paparazzi follow her as she reassembles her bikini in a kind of reverse strip tease.

Rita Rusic squeezes into a teeny weeny bikini for yet ANOTHER day at the beach
Rita Rusic has been caught topless on a Florida beach as she changed bikini tops by paparazzi from Splash.

The series of saucy pics was rushed to the news desk of Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail where top hack Leah Simpson was waiting to study the celebrity’s 51 year-old body. Whilst Leah Simpson admitted to envying Rita Rusic’s body, she couldn’t help but bitch that her breasts were too big for her bikini, complaining: ‘As the blonde got up to readjust her swimming costume, she revealed an unsightly case of “side-boob” – a look some exhibitionist beach goers intentionally aim to achieve.’

Banana buffing readers are unlikely to be so fussy about Rita Rusic’s breasts and many are sure to enjoy examining the photos carefully; particularly Rita Rusic topless.

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.