Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

What to wear? Nothing: Naked Trinny admits ‘If I can move more than half my forehead I need Botox’
Trinny Woodall has appeared naked in Tatler, but Daily Mail readers need not fork out for the monthly as the red-blooded tabloid has gotten hold off the best pics from the magazine’s public relations team.

But it turns out Trinny Woodall is not as attractive as her nude pose makes her appear. She uses lots of beauty treatments, including botox. But that’s unlikely to put off banana buffing readers.

Nude portrait of Bond girl Eva Green who’s ‘not confident’ with her body
When Eva Green turned up nude in Tatler, Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail just had to have some of that action and so red blooded hack James Tapper obtained the photo in question from the magazine’s PR people in return for some free publicity.

The photo pays homage to a famous Helmut Newton photo of Charlotte Rampling shot for Vogue in 1973. The updated image is missing a packet of cigarettes, ‘a nod to the fact smoking is no longer promoted as sexy,’ explains James Tapper.

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.