Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

Helena Christensen steals the show… with the help of some push-up underwear
Retired supermodel Helena Christensen proved she still has what it takes after wearing a push-up bra to a Calvin Klein after party and taking the attention of Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail away from the catwalk models.

‘Earlier in the day Helena looked demure at the Calvin Klein Autumn fashion show, then she slipped on her push-up bra,’ says the red-blooded tabloid as it compares shots from paparazzi agencies Big Pictures and Splash, and revealed ‘a lot of front’.

Alessandra Ambrosio parades the body of a teenager as she shoots new Victoria’s Secret bikini advert
Long known for its pro-obesity stance, Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail launches a withering attack on Alessandra Ambrosio as she models for Victoria’s Secret.

Commenting on a series of shots captured by paparazzi agency Splash , and shared with banana buffing readers, Dacre’s organ claims ‘the 29-year-old model looked skinnier than ever – with the body of a young teenager.’

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.