Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

She’s finally a bunny girl! Lizzy Jagger follows in her mother’s footsteps baring all for Playboy… and her dad approves
When Simon Cable heard that Lizzy Jagger had appeared nude in Playboy, he let the Daily Mail’s army of banana buffers down when he failed to share the photos with them. Now his colleague Sarah Fitzmaurice has had a thumb through the men’s magazine and reports on the Lizzy Jagger cover spread in more intimate detail.

Says Sarah Fitzmaurice, Lizzy Jagger is, ‘completely naked save for her long locks covering intimate areas a pair of thigh high boots and bunny ears.’

Unlike Simon Cable, Sarah Fitzmaurice also remembers some the accompanying interview. Lizzy Jagger discusses her ‘nudist tendancies’ and says, ‘at 27, I feel comfortable expressing myself through my body…I’m kind of a topless person.’

Lizzie Jagger risks the wrath of Sir Mick in raunchy Playboy shoot
When the Daily Mail’s Simon Cable heard that Lizzie Jagger was to appear nude in Playboy, the red blooded hack was keen to check the story out, but sadly for banana buffing readers the tabloid has not done a deal with the men’s magazine to share the images.

But Simon Cable did spend some time in the Daily Mail archive and was delighted to strike gold with ‘a previous revealing photo’ in which the right tit of an ‘uninhibited’ Lizzie Jagger is clearly visible. Lizzie Jagger could get a fee from Playboy running to six figures reckons Simon Cable.

Lizzie Jagger previously turned down an opportunity to appear nude in Playboy, but now regrets that decision, much to the delight of Paul Dacre’s organ. She said: ‘I’m thinking I should do naked pictures before I have children. Still, if it’s quite sexual, you do have to have boundaries.’

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.