Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

I’m A Celebrity: Battle of the bikini babes begins as Lucy Benjamin and Camilla Dallerup hit the beach Down Under
Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail has secured a series of shots of I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here contestants Lucy Benjamin and Camilla Dallerup hitting the beech in Australia prior to the show’s launch.

Seeing the pair frolic in their bikinis has left red blooded reporter Richard Simpson a little hot under the collar, as he imagined the pair in a battle of the bikini babes. Nevertheless, he’s holding back some of his ardour for a rival contestant: 1980s Page 3 girl Sam Fox.

Here’s what you’re missing, son: Bryan Ferry, 63, frolics with boy’s ex-girlfriend, 27
Richard Simpson is credited with words and pictures after extending a long lens in admiration of Bryan Ferry, 63, copping off with posh totty Amanda Sheppard, 27.

An ex of Ferry’s son, Isaac, Simpson reckons the younger Ferry might be regretting not saving Amanda for himself. They ‘occasionally break to rub suntan lotion into one another or take an elevator down to sea-level,’ says Simpson.

Sounds like Paul Dacre should call the roving reporter back to London before he gets caught rubbing something inappropriately.

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.