Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

BBC weatherman Tomasz Schafernaker shocks bosses after posing in gay magazine in skimpy shorts
When BBC weatherman Tomasz Schafernaker appeared on the front cover of Attitude Active, a gay magazine, ‘in a pair of skimpy shorts’, eyebrows were raised at Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail.

Reporter Paul Revoir was prompted to conduct a penetrating investigation on behalf of the red-blooded tabloid and points out that the magazine features both gay and straight men. Revoir also discovered that Tomasz Schafernaker’s colleagues were ‘unaware of his impressive physique, which is usually kept well-hidden under his suit.’

Same shorts, same jetski… but Simon Cowell looks as if he’s packed a few extra pounds for his Christmas Barbados break
Simon Cowell is one of the celebrities Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail has been keen to follow on holiday in Barbados, with paparazzi agency Big Pictures extending their long lens on behalf of the red blooded tabloid’s lady readers.

Eagle-eyed reporter Paul Revoir was quick to note that cheap skate Cowell was wearing the same beach wear this year as last. So how do we know which Simon Cowell photos are contemporaneous? Well the music mogul has has grown into a bit of fatty since his last holiday.

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.