Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

Dennis Quaid shows off his toned and sculpted beach body on surfing trip… at 55
When paparazzi from Pacific Coast News caught Dennis Quaid stripped from the waist up to reveal ‘his toned and sculpted beach body’ Lizzie Smith of the Daily Mail let out a loud wolf whistle… the 55 year-old pushed bikini clad teen Lorraine Nicholson right down the page

‘The key to his impressive physique may be under his arm,’ Lizzie Smith opined, ‘– a surfboard.’

The pair were caught making a movie together, but Dennis Quaid was to disappoint Lizzie Smith later, when he was spotted with a cigarette.

Cameron Diaz cuts a lonely figure as she takes a solitary swim in Hawaii
Cameron Diaz strikes the team at Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail as a lonely figure as she explores a beach in a green bikini. But not to worry, Pacific Coast News are on hand to capture the moment for the tabloid’s banana buffers.

‘Cameron Diaz looks glum but sizzles in a tiny two piece while on a break in Hawaii,’ reckon the hacks, who undoubtedly have their own ideas on how to cheer her up.

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.