Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

True Blood vampires and the explicit TV sucking the innocence out of our children
Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre’s favourite Daily Mail writer, de facto pornography specialist Olivia Lichtenstein, has been dispatched by red blooded tabloid to review True Blood, the HBO series brought to the UK by Channel 4.

Olivia Lichtenstein’s verdict? ‘True Blood is a shocking tale of depravity, explicit sexuality (bordering on pornography) and vile language. Even before the opening credits have rolled in the first episode, we see a young woman pleasuring a young man while driving her car.’

And so True Blood looks certain to attract an army of Daily Mail readers aching to be shocked.

As Hollywood’s leading actors start looking eerily similar, where are all the real men?
Olivia Lichtenstein, the Daily Mail’s female erotica correspondent, bemoans the lack of real men in a Hollywood dominated by a lookalike pretty boys.

Things have gotten terribly bad for Olivia Lichtenstein, who sometimes mistakes today’s Hollywood heartthrobs for girls. When challenged to name a celebrity her spouse would be expected to tolerate her sleeping with, she can’t. Sad, sad, sad.

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.