Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

‘Strong is the new sexy’: Fitness guru Jennifer Nicole Lee shows off her muscular physique on the beach
When fitness guru Jennifer Nicole Lee took the Miami beech in red bikini bottoms and a white t-shirt, temperatures soared in the Daily Mail newsroom, especially after a dip in the sea turned that t-shirt transparent and rendered her virtually topless.

Hack Jade Watkins was particularly impressed with Jennifer Nicole Lee’s muscular physique, virtually slipping off her chair over a picture by paparazzi from Splash of Jennifer Nicole Lee adjusting her bikini bottoms.

‘Later she washed off the sand by stepping under an outdoor shower alongside other beachgoers,’ reports Jade Watkins, ‘making sure she got it all completely off.’

Nothing to Heidi behind: Supermodel Ms Klum dares to bare and goes topless on family holiday in Sardinia
Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail loves to tease banana buffing readers with hints of topless shots and nuditiy, but not today. The red blooded tabloid has snapped up full on topless shots of Heidi Klum. And top reporter Jody Thompson could not be more excited at the sight of Heidi Klum’s nipples.

‘Yummy mummy,’ salivated Jody Thompson at the topless Heidi Klum. ‘Heidi Klum look[ed] toned and trim as she spent a day on the beach at Porto Cervo, Sardinia.’

Having cast her expert eye over the pics from paparazzi CPX and Xposure Photos, Jody Thompson quickly got a handle on things explaining: ‘The 38-year-old supermodel was making sure she had no pesky tanlines on her upper half by whipping off her bikini top whilst sunning herself.’

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.