Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

Dare you wear the bum pincher?
With Jennifer Lopez in the Daily Mail for her ‘enormous… bag’, editor Paul Dacre is almost certainly thinking ‘bum’.

So here’s a classic bum feature from the archive: Dare you wear the bum pincher?

‘The most iconic bikini image of all time must surely be Ursula Andress as she emerges, goddesslike, from the water in Dr No,’ gushed the Daily Mail in July 2007. ‘However, what you don’t see is the rear view in which her wet bikini bottoms will have burrowed their way between the pert cheeks of her bottom, leaving her with a very unflattering case of “bikini creep”.’

Having made a study of bikini clad celebrity bums the tabloid discovered, ‘celebrities such as Cameron Diaz and Sharon Stone are encountering the same old problem, thanks to a disturbing new trend which has emerged in the form of a new style of bikini… halfway between a sensible bikini pant (which offers extensive coverage of the bottom) and a thong.’

See the bum pincher for yourself as modelled by Nikki Sanderson, Lindsay Lohan, Kelly Brook, Eva Herzigova and Elisabetta Gregoraci.

Ex-Corrie babe Nikki Sanderson’s career takes horror turn as she strips off for her Hollywood debut… but the movie goes straight to DVD
The career of ex-Corrie babe Nikki Sanderson has flopped despite her stripping off for a naked bath scene in her first Hollywood film; it’s gone straight to DVD gloats the Daily Mail.

Sanderson is ‘used to posing in her lingerie for tabloids and lads’ mags… and has a nude scene in the gory movie’.

But Daily Mail readers need not waste a visit to Blockbuster as the newspaper’s grabbed stills of the best bits, including Nikki’s bum and a couple of in bath shots that include nipples visible just below the water line.

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.