Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

Move over, Nigella… Sophie Dahl’s here with an extra helping of sauce
When Sophie Dahl stepped into the role of TV chef, the Daily Mail’s Paul Revoir almost choked as she leant over the hot stove and offered up a classic down top cleavage shot.

Revoir was especially pleased with himself when he managed to capture a perfect freeze frame to share with banana buffing readers of the red-blooded tabloid. But the big question for Paul is: who’s the sexist in the kitchen, Sophie Dahl or Nigella Lawson?

Here at Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre, we reckon there’s only one way to find out… fight!

So long Cheryl Cole’s stick-thin frame, today’s women want… curves like Nigella Lawson’s
Cheryl Cole or Nigella Lawson: who would you do? That’s the challenge Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail is issuing to its red blooded readers.

For Paul Dacre’s team it has to be Nigella. They like a curvy woman, but don’t like anything out-of-proportion, which rules out Katie Price. Cherly Cole is a bit too boyish to excite Paul Dacre’s organ.

Perhaps not surprisingly, given that Dacre is now sixty years old, the Daily Mail hankers for a partner with experience. A title also helps. ‘Womanly’ Dame Helen Mirren and ‘elegant’ Dame Judi Dench go down particularly well.

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.