Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

Princess Beatrice looks Bea-utiful after training for London marathon
Princess Beatrice has lost plenty of weight training for the London Marathon and paparazzi from Barcroft Media, Matrix Photos and Big Pictures have been out in force to check out her new bikini body.

And, as always, Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail has been aching to share those pictures with banana buffing readers. The red-blooded tabloid Princess Beatrice was quite upset by ‘unkind remarks’ prompted by the publication of pictures of her looking a little podgy, but these pics of the princess showering off certainly do the business for Paul Dacre and co.

Beer and cigs! Stephen Dorff shows his holiday diet secret for ripped abs
Stephen Dorff made quite an impression on Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail when paparazzi agency Matrix Photos caught the 37-year-old movie star parading his abs on an Italian beech.

The red-blooded tabloid was particularly jealous of Stephen Dorff’s ability to maintain a six pack while drinking beer and reports that the Italian break came shortly after a weekend in Malibu with a ‘mystery brunette’.

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.