Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

French footballer Franck Ribery puts on show of family unity following underage prostitute scandal and World Cup shame
French footballer Franck Ribery has taken to the beach following an under-age prostitute scandal and a disastrous World Cup.

Paparazzi from Barcroft Media and Matrix Photos were on hand to capture some pics of Franck Ribery showing off his abs, but for Paul Dacre’s red-blooded Daily Mail the footballer’s appearance was a great opportunity to share pictures of the under-age prostitute — Zahia Deha — with banana buffing readers.

Princess Beatrice looks Bea-utiful after training for London marathon
Princess Beatrice has lost plenty of weight training for the London Marathon and paparazzi from Barcroft Media, Matrix Photos and Big Pictures have been out in force to check out her new bikini body.

And, as always, Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail has been aching to share those pictures with banana buffing readers. The red-blooded tabloid Princess Beatrice was quite upset by ‘unkind remarks’ prompted by the publication of pictures of her looking a little podgy, but these pics of the princess showering off certainly do the business for Paul Dacre and co.

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.