Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

Where are your curves, Eva? Mendes appears to be losing her voluptuous figure
Last year the Daily Mail’s Lizzie Smith read in Marie Claire that Eva Mendes tits were too big for some the designer dresses she was asked to wear, now the red-blooded tabloid has obtained photos from paparazzi agency Splash that Eva Mendes tits have shrunk.

Paul Dacre’s team is devastated by this news, speculating that ‘Eva Mendes might finally be succumbing to Hollywood pressure to be stick thin. She still looked beautiful – it is Eva Mendes, after all – with her hair in soft waves over her shoulders and a glowing complexion.’

But Paul Dacre’s team still think something is missing and fear Eva Mendes may have got something off her chest. Too big or too small? Banana buffing readers are invited to check out Eva Mendes tits for themselves.

I struggle to find clothes to contain my curves, says voluptuous Eva Mendes
The Daily Mail’s Lizzie Smith has been reading Marie Claire and has discovered that Eva Mendes ‘curves’ are so great some dresses cannot contain them.

‘I love my curves and I embrace them, but I have to walk a fine line,’ Eva Mendes told Marie Claire as she explained that big tits are not sexy in designer dresses. No doubt Paul Dacre’s army of banana buffers will be keen to check Eva Mendes out and decide for themselves.

Studying the curves in question reminds Lizzie that the Eva Mendes once starred in a TV ad that was banned for containing a flash of her nipple.

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.