Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

Nicola Roberts switches from demure to daring at Fashion Week in a see-through top
When Girls Aloud redhead Nicola Roberts turned up at London Fashion Week in a see-through top, the Daily Mail’s Marcus Barnes could barely contain himself.

The Daily Mail hack reckons Roberts’ top, ‘which preserved her modesty with a pair of conveniently placed flowers,’ left fellow band member Kimberley Walsh in the shade.

Halle Berry dazzles in thigh-high boots and a tight black dress (so much for those pregnancy rumours….)
When Halle Berry turned up on Jay Leno ‘in a little black dress with a plunging neckline combined with a pair of knee-length leather boots,’ the Daily Mail’s Marcus Barnes felt his chin drop to the floor.

She’s, ‘looking as svelte as a woman half her age,’ exclaimed the red blooded tabloid hack. It looks like the rest of Paul Dacre’s team agreed, quickly securing a few screen shots to share with readers, ever hungry for a glimpse of celebrity flesh.

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.