Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

London Fashion Week: Nicola Roberts wows with a daring thigh-skimming skirt at Vivienne Westwood catwalk show
When Girls Aloud’s Nicola Roberts turned up for Vivienne Westwood’s Red Label catwalk show at London Fashion Week, the Daily Mail office whooped with delight: paparazzi Xposure Photos had secured an upskirt shot of the redhead from Girls Aloud. That’s right Nicola Roberts’ skirt revealed a little more than it should have.

The ‘thigh skimming skirt’ certainly made red-blooded hack Marcus Barnes’ heart pump a little faster. He reckons she outshone all the other celebrities attending the do, ‘including Kate Moss, Naomi Campbell, Pixie Lott, Jo Wood, Tracey Emin and Janet Jackson.’

British model Rosie Huntington-Whiteley is set to thrill fans in the Victoria’s Secret catwalk show
British model Rosie Huntington-Whiteley has thrilled the Daily Mail’s Marcus Barnes with her appearance on the Victoria’s Secret catwalk. And luckily for Marcus the lingerie firm’s PR people were than happy to let him have some saucy pics to share with readers.

Marcus Barnes has been following the career of the ‘Victoria’s Secret angel’ for sometime, charting her recovery from a drugs scandal to winning Model Of The Year in the 2009 Elle Style Awards.

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.