Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

She’s no angel! Candice Swanepoel sizzles in Bora Bora bikini shoot
When Victoria’s Secret sent Candice Swanepoel to Bora Bora to ‘strut her stuff in the sand’ Paul Dacres’ Daily Mail was more than happy to give the swimwear and lingerie giant some free publicity… so long as the red-blooded tabloid could share the best pics with banana buffing readers.

Having spent quite some time poring over the pictures of Candice Swanepoel in a variety of bikinis, hack Lucy Buckland declared Candice Swanepoel looks angelic, but is no angel.

‘And it must be hard work for the former Charlie’s Angel, who gets to travel to the beautiful corners of the globe and get paid to sizzle on a beach in stunning swimwear,’ sighed Lucy Buckland, stuck in a cold London office. ‘Candice is currently in St. Barts shooting a new campaign for Victoria’s Secret.’

‘I never stuffed my manhood…. But Victoria loves me in long johns’: Golden balls David Beckham reveals his underwear secrets
Pictures of David Beckham modelling Armani underwear have sent the Daily Mail news desk into a tizzy as the team feverishly speculates over whether David Beckham is ‘stuffing his manhood’.

Now super hack Lucy Buckland has obtained a copy of the Daily Mirror and discovered that David Beckham has denied stuffing his underwear to enhance his package for the photos. The Daily Mirror scoop is a great excuse for Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail babes to pour over photos of David Beckham in his underwear and share some photos with lady readers.

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.