Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

Four months pregnant Danielle Lloyd cradles her stomach as she tweets ‘I’m soooo happpy!’
When a four-month pregnant Danielle Lloyd took to a Dubai beach in blue bikini, it took two Daily Mail hacks — Lizzie Smith and Emiliy Sheridan — to write up the resulting paparazzi shots from Cruise Pictures.

Pictures of Celebrity Big Brother star, WAG and glamour model Danielle Lloyd in variety of poses and taken from all sorts of angles certainly got Paul Dacre’s organ excited.

Lily Allen snubs the Caribbean as she soaks up the sun in New Zealand
With most celebs — and so most paparazzi — in the Caribbean, Lily Allen chose to escape to a quieter New Zealand. But all did not go to plan when the long lens of Simon Runting extended itself on a mission for Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail.

Back in the tabloid’s cold London offices hack Lizzie Smith was waiting to pore over the latest shots of Lily Allen in a bikini, choosing the best shots with which to excite banana buffing readers.

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.