Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

Lindsay Lohan protects her modesty… with the help of a strategically placed jacket
Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail has long championed the upskirt shot — richly rewarding paparazzi who manage to get their long lenses up celebrity skirts — so imagine the squeals of delight when Lindsay Lohan turned up at the Roberto Cavalli Fashion Show in Milan in a dress that was far too short.

Paparazzi agency Splash quickly moved in as Lindsay Lonhan’s dress moved up, exposing her leg. The now giggling celebrity was forced to prevent an upskirt incident by strategically placing her jacket in the way of prying lenses.

Nevertheless, the red-blooded tabloid was delighted to titillate readers with pictures of Lindsay Lohan ‘exposing too much flesh’.

Lindsay Lohan braces herself for release of internet sex tape (as she makes uninhibited appearance in daring open shirt)
Charlotte Spratt of the Daily Mail is braced for what Paul Dacre’s team expect to be the movie event of 2010: the Lindsay Lohan sex tapes.

The movie may be short — just 47 seconds — but seeing Lindsay Lohan frolic with a ‘mystery male’ for even that short time may be all it takes to satisfy banana buffing Daily Mail readers, some of whom will have learnt how to loop the sex tape.

Just as news of the Lindsay Lohan sex tape reached the red-blooded tabloid, the starlet was photographed at the launch of a ‘luxury sex toy’. The only disappointment for Paul Dacre’s organ is that the Lindsay Lohan sex tape is not believed to contain any girl-on-girl action.

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.