Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

Victorious Girls Aloud paint town red… after showstopping performance in burlesque outfits
It’s well established tradition at Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail to follow up an awards ceremony with the best wardrobe malfunction, preferably including an upskirt shot or two. But despite the best efforts of the cream of the paparazzi, only Xposure Photos came close with a near miss involving Duffy.

Here Lindsay Lohan shows how it’s done at last year’s MTV Movie Awards.

Body image: Peaches cavorts topless on beach to reveal more than 20 bizarre tattoos
Xposure Photos have come through for the Daily Mail with a set of photos revealing that ‘Bob Geldof’s wildchild daughter has already notched up a 20-odd collection of tattoos on her fresh frame – many of them references to friends and lovers.’

Click to enlarge the images of the recently divorced Ms Geldof cavorting on a South American beach. There’s even a handy cut-out-and-keep guide to help you decode the secrets of Peaches’ love life.

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.