Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

‘Jessica Simpson was like sexual napalm in bed,’ reveals John Mayer
American singer John Mayer’s sexual revelations about Jessica Simpson have got Paul Dacre’s organ very exited, but Daily Mail readers may be left wondering exactly what the couple’s ‘crazy sex life’ involved.

According to John Mayer, Jessica Simpson is ‘sexual napalm’. For the uninitiated, napalm is a jelling agent ussually mixed with gasoline to create a thick, sticky burning liquid that can be quickly spread over a wide area. It tends to stick to its victims, burning slowing at high temperatures.

Jessica Simpson must be one hunk of burning love!

Thighs the limit as Jessica Simpson squeezes into skin-tight leather trousers
The Daily Mail has Jessica Simpson on fat watch after Splash and Goff Photos caught her struggling to fit into a pair of unflattering outsize jeans.

The newspaper was further shocked when Simpson managed to squeeze her fat bum into a pair of skin-tight leaver trousers. Things had gotten so bad that: ‘Half-way through her performance, it appeared the strain of tottering in five-inch heels had got to Jessica, so she threw them off and continued singing barefoot.’

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.