Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

Louise! There are some things One shouldn’t Show that early in the evening
One Show host Louise Minchin was forced to hide her cleavage behind a vest, after she risked exciting too many banana buffers too early in the evening, reports James Tapper of the Daily Mail.

The red-blooded tabloid hack was agog at Louise Minchin’s low cut blue dress — a £1,000 Alexander McQueen — and gutted after BBC producers insisted she cover up. The BBC admitted Louise Minchin had a faced a dilemma before the show, opting to cover her cleavage with a vest borrowed from Christine Bleakley.

New smalls please: Venus Williams causes a stir with flesh-coloured undies
When paparazzi attending the Australian Open snapped a series of upskirt shots of an apparently knickerless Venus Williams, the Daily Mail’s James Tapper was one of the first to subject the tennis star to a ‘closer inspection’.

James Tapper’s thoughts immediately turned to Athena’s famous ‘Tennis Girl’ poster, featuring a blonde knickerless tennis player scratching her arse. But sadly for Tapper and other banana buffers, Venus Williams was wearing flesh coloured knickers.

Nevertheless, Paul Dacre’s team is quick to take advantage of the excuse to reproduce Athena’s ‘Tennis Girl’ as consolation, along with several upskirt shots of Venus Willams, with which to excite readers. (There is no mention of the tennis.)

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.