Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

Only a necklace needed! Helena Christensen poses in stunning topless photo shoot donning just jewellery to launch model search
Helena Christensen is ‘no stranger to stripping off’ says the Daily Mail’s Sarah Fitzmaurice, who is delighted to share topless photos of the supermodel with banana buffing readers.

‘Her hair has been tousled into large wild waves which fall about her face and the only thing she is wearing is a statement Swarovski necklace,’ gasps Sarah Fitzmaurice as she admire the naked (but pictured only from the waist up) Helena Christensen.

Victoria’s Secret model Marisa Miller strips off for a new Marc Jacobs cancer awareness campaign
Marisa Miller looks so good naked in a cancer awareness ad, Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail had to publish it twice.

‘There’s nothing like an eye catching campaign to highlight a worthy cause,’ exclaims the red-blooded tabloid, as it goes on to remind banana buffing readers that Marisa Miller is not the first to go naked for the Protect the Skin You’re In campaign. Alongside naked Marisa Miller are naked Heidi Klum, naked Helena Christensen, naked Dita Von Teese, naked Naomi Campbell and naked Victoria Beckham.

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.