Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

Teenage starlet Hayden Panettiere gets a boost in the bust area for new film poster
The alleged digital enhancement of ‘teenage starlet’ Hayden Panettiere’s breasts for a film poster has so excited Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail that the tabloid is speculating wildly on her future.

In a plot twist sure to have Paul Dacre’s entire team clued to their TV screens, the tabloid reckons her Heroes character is about to come out as a lesbian.

Meanwhile, in anticipation of future girl-on-girl action, banana buffers are invited to consider some photos of Hayden Panettiere in a bikini.

Heroes star Hayden Panettiere manages to keep her clothes on (in real life at least)
Hayden Panettiere looked ‘stunning’ in a white asymmetrical mini dress at the première of her new film, I Love You Beth Cooper, reports Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail. But much more exciting to the tabloid is the news that the young star has a nude scene that will get Daily Mail readers queuing around the block in their flasher macs.

Paul Dacre’s team has secured rights to a couple of stills from the nude scene for readers who don’t wish to sit through the whole film and prefer to review such material in private. Naturally, these may be clicked to enlarge!

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.