Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

Now that’s a way to GRAB attention! Victoria’s Secret model struggles to contain her ample assets
When Victoria’s Secret model Candice Swanepoel was spotted modelling bikinis on a South of France beach, the paparazzi were out in force to capture the scene for Paul Dacre’s red blooded Daily Mail.

And Goff Photos got the money shot that left the Daily Mail salivating: ‘Candice Swanepoel struggled to contain herself as her assets poured out of her bikini top yesterday in St Barts, France’. That’s right Candice Swanepoel is pictured holding her breasts to stop them falling out of her bikini.

Big Pictures came in second with a photo of an assistant pouring a bucket of water down Candice Swanepoel’s bikini bottoms: ‘That’s cold,’ exclaimed the tabloid, but it looks like it’s Paul Dacre’s organ that needs the ice water treatment!

Are these the pictures that confirm Penelope Cruz is engaged to Javier Bardem?
Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem ‘couldn’t keep their hands off each other as the spend time on the beach’ reports the Daily Mail, which has obtained a series of Peeping Tom style photos from paparazzi agency Goff Photos.

Penelope Cruz ‘looked great in a skimpy black bikini as the couple frolicked in the sea’ and the couple ‘hugged, kissed and touched each other playfully.’ Most interestingly Penelope was wearing a ring on her left hand that Paul Dacre’s organ reckons might signify the relationship is serious.

Now banana buffing readers can enjoy candid photos of bikini clad Penelope Cruz. Sadly for the ladies, Javier Bardem features in only one of the pics.

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.