Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

French footballer Franck Ribery puts on show of family unity following underage prostitute scandal and World Cup shame
French footballer Franck Ribery has taken to the beach following an under-age prostitute scandal and a disastrous World Cup.

Paparazzi from Barcroft Media and Matrix Photos were on hand to capture some pics of Franck Ribery showing off his abs, but for Paul Dacre’s red-blooded Daily Mail the footballer’s appearance was a great opportunity to share pictures of the under-age prostitute — Zahia Deha — with banana buffing readers.

Beer and cigs! Stephen Dorff shows his holiday diet secret for ripped abs
Stephen Dorff made quite an impression on Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail when paparazzi agency Matrix Photos caught the 37-year-old movie star parading his abs on an Italian beech.

The red-blooded tabloid was particularly jealous of Stephen Dorff’s ability to maintain a six pack while drinking beer and reports that the Italian break came shortly after a weekend in Malibu with a ‘mystery brunette’.

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.