Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

By ‘eck, Melanie Sykes! Presenter, 41, declares ‘I’m in the best shape of my life’ as she peels off for first naked shoot
Melanie Sykes has stripped off for her first naked photoshoot in a move that has particularly excited Paul Dacre’s organ, red-blooded tabloid the Daily Mail.

Hack Emily Sheridan has been dispatched to trawl the archives to find some top pics from Melanie Sykes 20 year modelling career that has seen her appear in many lads’ mags. Reading the words alongside the naked pictures of Melanie Sykes that appear in Esquire, Emily Sheridan discovered that Melanie Sykes is stepping out with her personal trainer who, ‘reaps all the benefits from my fitness, that’s for sure.’ Phwar!

Fresh as a Daisy: Model Lowe goes topless in a racy shoot for Esquire and reveals her admiration for Lara Stone’s ‘massive’ assets
‘In the least suggestive picture from the shoot Daisy Lowe ‘wears’ a red top that has the front panel completely cut out – underneath that she is wearing nothing, but cups her breasts with her hands,’ salivates Marcus Barnes of the Daily Mail as he abuses the latest edition of Esquire… so red blooded readers don’t have to.

The Daily Mail team is delighted to have acquired some topless Daisy Lowe shots to share with readers and when the model began discussing other models’ bodies, Paul Dacre’s organ reached new peaks of excitement.

Revealing her admiration for Lara Stone, topless Daisy Lowe said, ‘She has massive tits. They’re amazing. So perky. Wow.’ And when Daisy Lowe is not topless, she likes to wear sports bras explaining, ‘They usually make my nipples very erect for some reason. My boobs are on the bigger side, so with normal bras all I want to do is take them off.’

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.