Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

She’s the French-born mistress of John Terry. This examination of WAG Vanessa Perroncel reveals she’s a woman of truly voracious ambition
John Terry’s mistress, Vanessa Perroncel, has been subjected to what the Daily Mail’s Sara Nathan and Paul Bracchi describe as an ‘examination’ and been revealed as ‘a woman of truly voracious ambition.’

The pair have been reading ‘a red-top newspaper’ (a more upmarket tabloid, from which the Daily Mail plagiarises much of its news) and discovered that Vanessa Perroncel is French; news that has greatly excited Paul Dacre’s organ.

‘Who else but Miss Perroncel could have had an affair with England captain Terry, fallen pregnant by him, had an abortion, wrecking God knows how many lives in the process?’ ask the moralistic pair as they revel in the scandal.

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.