Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

Look what you’re missing: Toni Terry enjoys sun on Dubai beach as she escapes furore over husband’s sex scandal
The John Terry sex scandal is such a big story that when paparazzi Mark Large got some Peeping Tom style pics of the footballers wife, Toni Terry, stripped down to a bikini on the beach it took three Daily Mail Hacks — Christian Gysin, Emily Andrews and Dan Newling — to write up the story.

And then they they had to pad things out by lifting quotes from the Daily Mirror.

The WAG was spotted in Dubai’s largest shopping malls munching on McDonald’s and enjoying fairground rides, but banana buffing readers are spared that, offered instead a host of bikini shots.

‘I found my wife Brooklyn on  the pages of a swimsuit magazine,’ says Andy Roddick
Wimbledon runner-up Andy Roddick picked his wife, Brooklyn Decker from the pages of Sports Illustrated reveals Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail.

Upon hearing the news the red blooded tabloid despatched hacks Colin Fernandez and Emily Andrews to dig out some pics from the magazine for readers to enjoy. But the investigators didn’t stop there, going on to offer a compare and contrast with Roddick’s former squeeze ‘English rose’ Kim Sears.

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.