Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

‘I’m more attracted to my wife than ever,’ says Nick Cannon as heavily pregnant Mariah Carey poses for nude cover shoot
Mariah Carey has posed naked while pregnant for US magazine Life & Style, much to the delight of Paul Dacre’s organ which has reached an agreement to reproduce the image nice and large for banana buffing British readers.

And there’s more! Top hack Donna McConnell has gone through the archive and discovered similar pics, the inevitable Demi Moore plus Britney Spears. And it turns out Mariah Carey’s husband Nick Cannon, finds here even more attractive heavily pregnant, an admission bound to particularly excite imaginative Daily Mail readers.

Now you see them, now you don’t ! The ups and downs of Victoria Beckham’s assets
The Daily Mail’s Ben Todd has delighted banana buffing readers of Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail by pulling together a retrospective of Victoria Beckham’s tits.

Ben Todd’s investigation into Victoria Beckham’s tits involved the ace reporter sifting through the Daily Mail archives to select a representative sample of 22 tit shots dating from the late 1990s to the present day.

Regular banana buffers will recall that not so long ago the Daily Mail’s crack team of Donna McConnell and Simon Cable spent a whole day watching Victoria Beckham’s nipples to see if she was wearing nipple enhancers. So it’s no surprise to see that Ben Todd has included a number of protruding nipple shots alongside the cleavage.

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.