Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

‘I wanted to be free’: Muslim model upsets family by posing nude for Playboy cover
When the Daily Mail’s Deborah Arthurs spotted that her fellow hacks’ Playboy sported a naked Muslim girl on the cover, she could not believe her eyes.

‘Sila Sahin, a 25-year-old Turkish German living in Berlin, had until now been regarded as a glowing example of how a modern Muslim girl should behave in a multicultural society,’ scolded Deborah Arthurs after confiscating the magazine from a red-blooded colleague (perhaps Simon Cable who had been writing about Lizzie Jagger nude in Playboy). But now Sila Sahin was nude in Playboy and had her tit out on the cover, in a move guaranteed to upset conservatives.

But where Simon Cable failed with naked Lizzie Jagger, Deborah Arthurs succeeded with nude Muslim Sila Sahin. Banana buffing readers are welcome to enjoy that naked Muslim breast.

Olympic gold cyclist Victoria Pendleton loses her lycra in revealing photoshoot
There’s no need to buy men’s magazine FHM, when the best pics are in Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail.

Deborah Arthurs has been brought in to condense an interview with Olympic gold cyclist Victoria Pendleton who has lost ‘her lycra in [a] revealing photoshoot’.

‘Victoria shows off her athletic physique in a basque,’ gushes Deborah, ‘but while she manages to be both fit and feminine, her rivals are not so lucky.’ Click to enlarge!

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.