Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

The G-string wedding dress that will make the whole congregation blush, never mind the bride!
When the Daily Mail’s Deborah Arthurs has spotted Kaviar Gauche’s g-string wedding dress at Berlin Fashion Week, she swooned; imaging a beach ceremony and a long wedding night.

‘The mind-boggling garment looks to be made up of a few diminutive sections of fabric joined together with a central strip,’ explains Deborah Arthurs. ‘The ensemble slips over a barely-there thong bikini brief, and the whole outfit is shrouded in a diaphanous veil.’

Kaviar Gauche is certainly a brand for banana buffing Daily Mail readers to watch: earlier in the season they sent models onto the catwalk naked, save for strategically placed accessories.

Britain and Ireland’s Next Top Model contestants dare to bare it all in first nude photoshoot
When the public relations people from beauty brand All About Eve told Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail that they had persuaded Holly Higgins, Jessica Abidde and Anastasija Bogatirjova and other contestants from Britain and Ireland’s Next Top Model to pose naked… that’s right nude… the red bloody tabloid could barely hide its excitement.

Top hack Deborah Arthurs was tasked with closely examining the nude pictures and providing some commenatary for banana buffing readers… but it won’t be Deborah Arthurs words typical Daily Mail readers spend time pondering!

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.