Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

Young at heart: Roger Daltrey shows off his toned torso at 65 as Elton John takes gravity-defying leap at 62
When paparazzi agency Matrix Photos secured a shot of Roger Daltrey emerging from the Florida sea, Simon Cable was more than happy to write some commentary for the Daily Mail’s lady readers.

Sixty-five year-old Daltrey reminded Simon Cable of current James Bond, Daniel Craig and had him scurrying to the tabloid’s photo archive to find a suitable pic with which to wow readers.

Bond’s day off: Holidaying Daniel Craig recreates 007′s famous surf scene
Ever since he walked out of the water in a pair of tight trunks the ladies of the Daily Mail have had a thing for Daniel Craig, heralding him The Bond women have been waiting for and asking other desperate celebs to take The James Bond Trunk Challenge.

Now thanks to the telephoto lenses of Splash, the ladies can check out the merchandise once again.

‘His six pack and muscular arms seemed a little less defined,’ complains the Daily Mail and ‘on Saturday he tucked into a packet of crisps as he picnicked on the beach’. So gawp now, while he’s still got it.

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.