Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

Look, no airbrushing: Loose Women Coleen Nolan, Denise Welch and Andrea McLean pose proudly in their swimsuits
The stars of Loose Women may be getting on a bit, reports Lizzie Smith for Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail, but they didn’t need airbrushing to appear in Woman magazine.

The trio, Coleen Nolan, Denise Welch and Andrea McLean, strike much the same pose in coloured bikinis and in black bikinis to prove ‘older’ women can still look good. Lizzie writes in earnest about the pressures the women have faced to look good, but readers with a taste for older ladies will no doubt be concentrating on the pics.

Coleen Nolan has lost the hang-ups of her youth ‘My sex life has IMPROVED with age’
Coleen Nolan shows no concern for her children’s blushes as she attempts to titillate readers of Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail with stories of her sex life, which has improved with age.

It’s all down to turning her back on the hang-ups of youth, she claims. Less kind hearted souls might suggest the improvement has more to do with her turning her back on obesity.

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.