Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

Her cup runneth over: Oprah Winfrey reveals a little too much in her plunging red neckline as she parties at Versace for H&M
When Oprah Winfrey wore a particularly low cut dress at a party to celebrate H&M’s collaboration with Vaersace, the Daily Mail’s Chris Johnson could not help taking a not-so-sneaky peak at the TV star’s cleavage.

The red-blooded tabloid hack found images of Oprah Winfrey’s cleavage, as caputured by Getty, far more erotic than pics of much younger celebs, like Gossip Girl Blake Lively (who came second for cleavage) and actress Emma Roberts. Which shows that as far as Paul Dacre’s organ is concerned, 57 year-old Oprah Winfrey’s still got it.

So models do eat, then? Slender Elen Rivas clutches takeaway containers during a beach stroll
When paparazzi from Flynet spent the day extending their lens over Elen Rivas as she holidayed in Miami, Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail could not have been more happy with the results.

Banana buffing readers were delighted not only with a series of bikini shots, but with some good cleavage views and, to top it all, a hint of nipple. Climax was reached when, ‘Elen showed off an enviable body in a black two-piece, complete with shades and a hat, as she soaked up the rays barefoot’.

At one point Elen Rivas, still in a bikini, bought a meal that came in, ‘oodles of plastic containers that are typical of greasy spoon packaging’ and ate it with a friend. ‘The girls each held a carrier bag with three polystyrene packages inside despite the blazing 28 degree heat that was more suited to a light ice lolly,’ salivated the tabloid.

It was as ‘sunkissed’ Elen Rivas, ‘protect[ed] herself from the Miami sunshine by rubbing lotion in’ that her nipple was almost exposed, exciting Paul Dacre’s organ just a little too much.

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.