Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

Well that’s one way to be remembered! Amelia flashes her knickers while Sophie’s chest is on show at X Factor wrap party
When paparazzi from Splash stalked the X-Factor end of season party, Paul Dacre’s team could not have been happier when they came back with a much sought after upskirt shot of Amelia Lily AND a good shot of Sophie Habibis’s cleavage.

‘“Comeback Kid” Amelia forgot to match her knickers to her hair when she accidentally revealed a bit too much at the bash,’ reports the cheeky tabloid, but ‘Amelia managed to cover up after accidentally giving her fans one last thing to remember.’

And while Sophie Habibis didn’t last long in the competition, she certainly ‘stood out’ for the red-blooded tabloid in a dress that revealed plenty of cleavage. If not for the Amelia Lily upskirt, Sophie Habibis would have won the day for Paul Dacre’s organ.

There’s nothing holy about that! Sports Illustrated model Kate Upton plays raunchy nun in sexy adaptation of the Three Stooges
When the publicity department at Twentieth Century Fox told Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail that Sports Illustrated model Kate Upton was to play a sexy nun in a raunchy remake of the three stooges, the red-blooded tabloid was delighted to plug the film… so long as some of those sexy nun pics could be shared with banana buffing readers.

‘Rather than the slapstick humour,’ reports hack Alanah Eriksen, who has seen the trailer, ‘viewers are more likely to be left open-mouthed by the incredible sight of Kate Upton in a bikini.’ And not just in a bikini… a nun in a bikini! That’s right, Kate Upton wears a bikini and nun’s headpiece; a clash sure to sent Catholic Daily Mail readers into confused sexual a frenzy.

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.