Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

Eyes front, Ryan! Blake Lively’s top leaves very little to the imagination
When Blake Lively wore an exceptionally low cut top at the Comic-Con convention in San Diego, Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail was left more than a little hot under the colour.

‘[Blake] Lively had obviously decided to give the geeks… something to get excited about,’ exclaimed the red-blooded tabloid. Paparazzi from Splash even managed to capture a hint of nipple.

Penelope Cruz enjoys laid-back beach break with low-key lover Javier Bardem
When Penelope Cruz took a beach holiday with her ‘low-key lover’, paparazzi agency Splash was on hand to capture some pics of the film star in her bikini to share with the Daily Mail’s army of banana buffing readers.

Paul Dacre’s red-blooded tabloid was particularly taken by a revealing down top shot that exposed Penelope Cruz’s ample cleavage.

That ‘low-key lover’ turns out to be Javier Bardem who ‘made a public declaration of his love for the brunette last month as he collected his Best Actor award at the Cannes Film Festival’ and wore black shorts to match Penelope Cruz’s bikini.

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.