Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

The rise of the ‘squoob’: The cleavage that looks more ‘oww!’ than ‘ooh!’
Squashed boobs are popping out of dresses everywhere reckons Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail, with banana buffing readers’ favourites Carol Vorderman and Christina Hendricks leading the field.

Hack Marianne Power has led the red-blooded tabloid’s investigation of squashed breasts — or ‘squoobs’ as she likes to call them — and concluded that squashed breasts have never been more popular. Not only have Carol Vorderman and Christina Hendricks squashed their breasts so they look like they’re about to burst out of their outfit, Elizabeth Hurley has squashed her breasts and Victoria Beckham’s breasts have been squashed too. Top designer Vivienne Westwood has even designed special boob squashing corsets for those desperate for the squoob look Marianne Power has discovered.

Christina Hendricks shows off her curves in naked scenes filmed before she was famous
When paparazzi from Splash stumbled across Christina Hendricks naked in a long forgotten sci-fi series, they extended their lens toward the TV for some top screen shots that have been snapped up by Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail.

‘The then unknown Christina played seductive con woman Saffron, who shared a naked kiss with Captain Malcolm Reynolds on their wedding night,’ salivates the red blooded tabloid. ‘Christina has been credited with reawawkening [sic] fashion designers to the beauty of the female body, with curve enhancing designs returning to the runway in her wake.’

Banana buffing Daily Mail readers may now appreciate a naked Christina Hendricks, admiring her ‘trademark curves’ in topless shots. Christina Hendricks is ‘instantly recognisable’ in the nude, says the Daily Mail, thanks to her red hair.

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.