Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

Cricket star Michael Vaughan’s crude tweet about Carol Vorderman’s ‘big new friends’
When cricketer Michael Vaughan sent a ‘crude tweet’ about Carol Vorderman’s big tits, the Daily Mail’s Andy Wheelan knew he had a major story on his hands.

As soon as Michael Vaughan tweeted, ‘Just been informed that Carol Vorderman’s breasts are looking mighty large on TV’ Andy Wheelen was on the case.

‘Va va Vorders,’ exclaimed the Daily Mail hack when confronted with photographic evidence from paparazzi at Xposure Photos. Carol Vorderman’s big tits were revealed in a dress that ‘showed off her tiny waist and ample cleavage’.

Daily Mail readers may be shocked to learn than Prince Charles and the Duchess of Cornwall were at the event where Carol Vorderman’s big tits were revealed.

Curvy Carol Vorderman joins Elle Macpherson by slipping into yet ANOTHER of Posh’s dresses
Having previously wowed Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail with her fat bum, Carol Vorderman has warn a ‘figure-flattering’ dress that shows she has the breasts to match… and nobody’s more excited than hack Lizzie Smith.

Lizzie Smith has spent an unhealthily long time studying images of Carol Vorderman is a variety of dresses, trying to work out which best show off her ‘curves’ and declared her ‘generously rounded’ in a £2,095 grey Carmontelle dress.

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.