Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

Helena Christensen steals the show… with the help of some push-up underwear
Retired supermodel Helena Christensen proved she still has what it takes after wearing a push-up bra to a Calvin Klein after party and taking the attention of Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail away from the catwalk models.

‘Earlier in the day Helena looked demure at the Calvin Klein Autumn fashion show, then she slipped on her push-up bra,’ says the red-blooded tabloid as it compares shots from paparazzi agencies Big Pictures and Splash, and revealed ‘a lot of front’.

Time for the gym, Kate? Miss Moss displays saggy bottom in unflattering bikini on Thailand holiday
When paparazzi agency Big Pictures extended its long lens for a bikini-clad Kate Moss, the Daily Mail’s Sarah Bull was delighted to discover the supermodel has a saggy bum.

Sarah Bull calls on Kate Moss to tone up after she ‘displayed her less-than-pert derriere in an unflattering bikini while on holiday in Thailand’. The supermodel ‘wore a tiny brown bikini which did nothing to hide her dimply upper thighs and bottom’.

Nevertheless, Paul Dacre’s tabloid publishes a selection of shots so that red-blooded Daily Mail readers may reach their own conclusions.

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.