Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

WARNING: This may hurt your eyes… Beth Ditto strips down to her Spanx as Alesha Dixon squeezes into skintight leggings
Daily Mail readers anxious to learn what super-chubby Beth Ditto wears under her skirt were delighted when the Gossip front woman revealed her control pants to the world at Radio 1′s Big Weekend.

‘The 27-year-olds Spanx — the control pants beloved of many celebrities — saved her from exposing too much — although there was still plenty of flesh on show,’ gushed Paul Dacre’s tabloid excitedly.

15-stone Beth Ditto launches Love magazine with nude shoot
Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail has always been keen to extend its special love to women of all shapes and sizes and so is delighted to present readers with 15-stone Beth Ditto in the nude.

‘With red hair and black lips, the openly gay singer closed her eyes and pouted for her glamorous photoshoot,’ salivates the tabloid.

The nude photos have been taken to help promote the launch of Love, a magazine concerned with fashion and fame that aims to be ‘very curvy’.

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.