Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

Megan Fox strips down to her underwear as the new, er, face of Armani
When Megan Fox stripped down to her underwear for Armani, Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail team could not hide their excitement and were delighted when the luxury brand’s PR people offered them the chance to share some photos of the star with banana buffing readers.

Megan Fox may be the new face of Emporio Armani, but the red-blooded tabloid made clear that its not her face readers will be focussed on. The actress turned model is in great shape and has a perfect pout, reckons Paul Dacre’s organ.

Anything Becks can do… Now Cristiano Ronaldo shows off his stunning six-pack in latest Armani underwear ad
Cristiano Ronaldo has stripped down to his Armani underwear in a series of adverts for the luxury brand that have really got Daily Mail hack Chris Johnson excited. David Beckham is now sacked from his role as imaginary boyfriend.

The Armani public relations team has supplied more than half-a-dozen hot pics of Cristiano Ronaldo to Paul Dacre’s team, which has wasted no time sharing the images with lady readers.

‘Becks was thought to have benefited from a spot of airbrushing to accentuate his six pack (and his package),’ bitches the tabloid which reckons Cristiano Ronaldo requires a little less touching up.

Although judging from this piece, Paul Dacre’s team are queuing up to touch him just the same.

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.