Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

Britain’s Got Talent judge Amanda Holden almost slips out of her sheer dress
The current drought of decent paparazzi pictures continues to hurt the Daily Mail, which is reduced to using a pic from Nikos that does not show Amanda Holden slipping out of her (not very) sheer dress. (Although banana buffers who stare hard enough may just see a hint of nipple.)

Further disappointment came when ‘Danielle Lloyd opted for a demure and casual dress,’ but fortunately ‘Lucy Pinder pulled out all the stops.’

No doubt editor Paul Dacre will be having words with the troops. He’s been reduced to running PR shots for Halle Berry’s new perfume.

She’s electric! Static gives Elizabeth Hurley a shock as her underwear is exposed
As snow hits London, the best the Daily Mail can offer banana buffers is a glimpse of Amanda Holden with an unsuitably plunging neckline.

So today it’s back to October 2008 and a bizzare incident in which static electricity apparently caused Liz Hurley’s dress to rise up: ‘All eyes were drawn to the garment as it revealed more and more of the shapely Hurley pins. Eventually, it rose so far that a full view was afforded of her “nude underwear” – designed to avoid unsightly panty lines – as the 43-year-old model and actress kept talking…’

Thank goodness snappers from Rex Features and Splash were on hand.

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.