Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

Whoops! Now we know what’s Holden Amanda in… a pair of Spanx
Paul Dacre’s organ has long admired Amanda Holden’s ‘pert bottom’, so imagine the tabloid’s shock when it received an upskirt shot from paparazzi agency Matrix Photos revealing that Amanda Holden wears control pants.

‘Holden’s use of the pants is surprising given her bottom-flashing in her TV show last week,’ says a gutted Daily Mail, which in the next breath admits: ‘Holden has spoken openly about her love of Spanx.’

Perhaps it’s one thing to hear Amanda Holden talk about control pants, but receiving an upskirt shot that shows them in action is quiet another.

Make sure you Holden to those shoes! Cheeky Amanda uses stilettos to cover her assets
Amanda Holden going topless for the Heals that Heal campaign to raise funds to help young women dealing with chronic gynaecological issues, was always going to make Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail team stand up and take notice.

Chris Johnson has annotated the resulting pictures with gusto.

‘For someone pushing 40, Amanda certainly managed to pull off a very youthful look in the photoshoot,’ says cheeky Chris.

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.