Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

Roxy’s foxy girl in pearls: Why Bryan Ferry’s so smitten with the VERY blue-blooded beauty 36 years his junior
At sixty, Daily Mail editor Paul Dacre is slightly younger than Roxy Music front man Bryan Ferry, but Ferry’s the one who still has what it takes to pull the birds. And that makes him a source of fascination to the red blooded tabloid.

Investigative reporter Alison Boshoff is dispatched find a story that will justify re-publishing a series of pics of Ferry with latest squeeze Amanda Sheppard. Boshoff’s commentary lacks the erotic charge of her colleague Richard Simpson’s write-up, but banana buffers will enjoy the photos just the same.

Utterly unwepentant: Jonathan Ross blames others for his downfall and is plotting how to land a new big money BBC deal
Jonathan Ross ‘utterly unwepentant’ following his twelve week suspension from the BBC, the Daily Mail is relieved to report.

Ross is soon to revive his shocking late night chat show. Here readers are reminded of the sort of thing they may look forward to with pictures of Ross groping Sharon Osbourne’s breasts and Patsy Kensit mounting him on his desk in what could easily be mistaken for a simulated sex act. Prepare to be shocked!

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.