Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

Alexandra Burke puts her never-ending legs on show at Christmas lights switch-on
When Alexandra Burke visited Manchester to switch on the Christmas lights, paparazzi Peter Simpson didn’t hesitate to extend his long lens for an upskirt shot.

Try as they might, Cavendish Press were left as the nearly men, but were delighted when Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail bought a few of their snaps just the same.

Back at the red-blooded tabloid’s Knightsbridge offices was Chris Johnson carefully studying the boys’ efforts and picking out the most revealing thigh shots for banana buffing readers to enjoy.

Alexandra Burke surrounds herself with Bad Boys on holiday in Barbados
The Barbados sun appears to have gotten to Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail as a serious of shots from paparazzi agency Splash of Alexandra Burke reveal her hanging out with some unlikely looking ‘bad boys’.

The X Factor winner is staying in her Boss Simon Cowell’s usual haunt, reckons the tabloid, which claims he is believed to have snubbed his usual $25,000-a-night villa at the resort to rent a £625,000 yacht.’

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.