Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre

Alessandra Ambrosio parades the body of a teenager as she shoots new Victoria’s Secret bikini advert
Long known for its pro-obesity stance, Paul Dacre’s Daily Mail launches a withering attack on Alessandra Ambrosio as she models for Victoria’s Secret.

Commenting on a series of shots captured by paparazzi agency Splash , and shared with banana buffing readers, Dacre’s organ claims ‘the 29-year-old model looked skinnier than ever – with the body of a young teenager.’

Battle of the St Barts beauties as Victoria’s Secret models Alessandra Ambrosio and Miranda Kerr go head-to-head
When snappers from Rex Features and Splash caught not one but two Victoria’s Secret models — Alessandra Ambrosio and Miranda Kerr — on the same beach Paul Dacre’s organ roared: ‘fight, fight, fight!’

It fell to hack Chris Johnson to write a story around the pics declaring, ‘Brazilian model Alessandra, 28, won the contest, after stripping down to a sexy white bikini among an array of other skimpy swimwear numbers.’

It turns out that Alessandra Ambrosio and Miranda Kerr were on the job, taking it in turns to model lingerie and swimwear and generating plenty for red-blooded Daily Mail readers to get excited about.

Buff the Banana with Paul Dacre is a work of satire that diaries titillating stories from the Daily Mail, so you can go straight there without having to view the offensive stuff.